Satire

How ‘Dialectic of Enlightenment’ Was Really Written

Adorno: So, how should we do this thing? Like, should I write one sentence, and you write the next one, and on and on like that, or….

Horkheimer: Naw… How about: I write one word, and you write one word and back and forth like that?

Adorno: Yeah, that sounds like fun, man. Ok Ok Ok. So, who goes first?

Horkheimer: Let’s do rock paper scissors.

Adorno: Capital! Ok. Ready? On three. One… Two…

Horkheimer: Wait Wait Wait! Does that mean like on ‘three’, or you go like “one two three, go”, and then we do it?

Adorno: No, no man, it’s always on ‘three’, so I go like “one, two three” and we do it right on “three”. Got it?

Horkheimer: Got it. I was just…

Adorno: …clarifying. I know. No, it’s good to get things clear from the start.

Horkheimer: That way there’s no resentment.

Adorno: No, you’re totally right. Ok, so ready?

Horkheimer: (rolling up his sleeves) Yeah, let’s DO THIS!!!

Adorno: Ok. One… Two… THREE!!!

[Adorno has ‘rock’; Horkheimer has ‘scissors’]

Horkheimer: FUCK!!!

Adorno: Oh, well, I guess you go second…

Horkheimer: Ok, fine. That means I get the last word then!

Adorno: Yeah, whatever man.

Horkheimer: Ok, so GO ALREADY!!!

Adorno: Ok Ok Ok, Don’t rush me! ……… Sooooooooo, what should we start off with? Hmmmm. Hmmmmm. Hmmmmm. Ok, I got it: “Enlightenment!”

Horkheimer: pfff!!!!!

Adorno: What? I just said “Enlightenment” What, you don’t think that’s good?

Horkheimer: Well, we’re writing a book called ‘dialectic of enlightenment” and you start off with “enlightenment“. I just… I just expected more from you, that’s all.

Adorno: Well, it’s your turn now, fuckwad, so what are you going to come up with, huh? No, really. I’m really looking forward to this now. What you got brewing under that ol’ noggin of yours, hmmm?

Horkheimer: “Understood”.

Adorno: ………………. Well played, my man.

Horkheimer: Thank you.

Adorno: Ok, soooooo my turn again. Hmmmmmmmmm. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Hmmmmmmmmmm. Ok: “in the”

Horkheimer: You can’t do that!!!

Adorno: WHAT NOW MAN?! YOU’RE WASTING TIME, CHRIST!!

Horkheimer: You took two turns! That’s it! You’re washing the dishes tonite!

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